Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
