Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
