i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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