I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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