I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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