I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
