What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she looked like the before picture.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
