Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
