ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
