Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
