I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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