She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
