Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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