I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
