im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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