So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
