wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
