I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
