yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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