Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
