i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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