forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
