I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
