You just made me feel so damn special
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
