Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
