I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
