They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
