I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
