i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
