she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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