The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
