after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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