so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
