he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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