put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
