I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
