I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
