Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You've changed since you got that strap on
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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