Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
