i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
