it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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