there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
