He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
ttyl tear gas
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
