My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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