Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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