Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
