If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
