we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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