I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
