oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
