Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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