I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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