I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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